Ok, I know this is going to sound crazy, but…
I think we made a mistake.
Let me back up. I have no idea how we could have done it. Shoot, I have no idea how we did what we did. But, I think we could have attempted it.
I think with God’s help, it was something that we could have done.
Actually, Tracie brought it up to me months ago and my first thought was…’she’s crazy!’. But, I will tell you I prayed about it. I really did. But honestly, I have been a level of stressed out that I have never been in my life. I really needed to remember Jesus’ words…
Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, ‘that is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life, whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear’
So, you maybe wondering what I’m talking about?
I think we made a mistake by not bringing home…
TWO CHILDREN FROM CHINA.
Yes, I’m crazy! Tracie is crazy! Ican hear the chorus’s of ‘your crazy’ righ now. I can see all the eyebrows going up. I can see people waking away.
Especially after re-reading my blog post from last night! Wow, we were tired yesterday! Kai gave us a run for our money.
But, being here. Walking around his orphanage. Seeing the RIDICULOUS need. Having our hearts broken and then broken again. Meeting families who have adopted 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 times. Seeing what God has already done in our hearts.
Yeah, I think we made a mistake by not at least attempting it.
Now, I have no idea how we could have afforded it. I have no idea how we could have managed it. I have no idea.
I really have no idea.
To be honest, I have no idea how we were able to do what we did. I have no idea how we’re going to afford 3 kids with PKU. I don’t know how we afford 2 kids with PKU. I actually had someone tell us we were financially irresponsible for adopting a child with PKU when our need is already great for the two we have with PKU.
That broke my heart.
We’re kind of figuring stuff out as we go.
But, I was pushing Kai through the lobby at our hotel yesterday and I was watching a new dad push his new baby girl in her wheelchair. Yes, her wheelchair. Then I talked to another dad who has a new baby girl, she’s 8 and blind. And I talked to another family who is rushing to get their new son back to the US because they don’t know how long his heart will keep working before surgery.
And, my heart broke again in ways that I never thought it would.
And I realized I think we made a mistake.
I know God is working in us. I Know God is working in Kai. I know God is working in the people following our story.
I know we did what God called us to do, I just wonder if we were suppose to do more?
I wonder if in the future God will call us to do more.
I know for sure it wasn’t a mistake adopting Kai! This boy has already captured our hearts. This boy is our son and we will love him forever.