Yes, this title and post is much more personal and whiny than I try to be on my blog. I try to work very hard to keep my blog very positive. But, yesterday was a classic bad back day for me and all day long I found myself saying…
I’m tired of being in pain.
Unless its super hot and my back is very lose, outside of that, then I’m typically dealing with some sort of back pain. Either a little pain or a lot of pain. It’s been that way most of my life.
Well, because I’m not very smart. It started when I was young and was hit by a car. Then, through my 20’s I really didn’t take care of my back. It worsened in my 30’s and for some reason, when we planted Thrive Church, it went from bad to horrible. I had surgery in Jan of 2014 to remove a disc and that took care of the sciatica, but depending on the day, it can be either manageable or it can be down right ridiculous. Bending is out of the question. And, every time I lift something with even a little weight to it, my back could start screaming at me.
I try not to complain.
I try not to dwell on it.
I try not to let it drag me down.
I try to keep going.
I try to fight through it.
But, wow, some days. And, I know so many people have pain so much worse than mine.
And, I know some of the possible solution is on me, that’s the kicker! The solution?
We all know being overweight does not help your back and I am dreadfully overweight!
Now, before you start saying…‘just eat salad and start running’. Trust me, I have heard those a lot over the years! And, yes, I am trying to eat more salad. I have actually taken huge steps this last month. I cut out pop. I cut out some things that are very bad and I am feeling much better!
And, I can’t run. I would run. I love to run! My last run was in June of 2012 and I ran 10 miles! See, I love to run. But, I can’t. I love to do cross fit. I can’t. Anything that involves jarring…yeah, I could be laying on my back for a week.
So, I have been in this continuous hard and painful cycle for 4 years. I start to lose weight, everything feels better, than the stress of life comes (having a big family, financial pressure, leading a church) and sometimes when my back feels better I push it to hard and bam, I’m back to def con 5 back pain.
When I hit def con 5 back pain, I’m done. Getting through the day is a win for me. Bending, standing, walking, sitting, putting on socks, it’s all hard. That’s actually an understatement! It’s painfully hard.
Sunday’s at Church, when I hit def con 5 back pain is unreal. The walking, standing, preaching, moving, it’s just hard.
Why I’m typing all this, I don’t know.
I just got to the place yesterday where I started to whine and cry to God and then I found this amazing video on youtube about Job. Put a lot in perspective.
I know Paul prayed for his pain to be taken away. I know David cried out to God.
So, I’m crying out to God. I am going to do my best to take care of the body that God has blessed me with. I am going to keep making better eating decisions. I am going to work hard to loosen and strengthen the muscles around my back that don’t want to bend.
And, I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
If you’re in pain. My heart goes out to you. I’m praying for you. Let me know, so I can pray!