We’re just heart broken and crushed

Yesterday afternoon we found out from our adoption agency, Children’s House International, that our sweet Winona Mae passed away over the weekend.

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We are absolutely heart broken and completely crushed.

For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
33 for he does not afflict from his heart
    or grieve the children of men. ~Lamentations 3:31-33

From the moment we first saw her photo and read about her, we were just convinced that God had called us to be her parents.

I was in town working out when Tracie called me and I was just shocked. I immediately felt numb and just sat down and stared at the wall trying to wrap my mind around this.

We still don’t have all the details, but we do know a really bad virus was going around her orphanage. Winona was very small and frail and way under weight for her age. Plus, the orphanage doesn’t even have central heating and the air quality is very bad in that region of China. And, her little body just couldn’t fight off the virus.

It’s just heart breaking. We’ve been praying, our family has been praying and our community has been praying for this little girl. Her picture is up at our house, on our phones, her crib and stroller and have been bought and we were just getting ready to paint her room.

Honestly, in the midst of the sadness, I’m angry. We are jumping through hoop after hoop to bring her home and she has a home ready for her with a family and a community ready to love her, and she had to stay in an over crowded orphanage with barely any heat.

‘He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” ~Revelation 21:4 (esv)

Lot’s of tears have been shed. Lot’s more will be as we think about the memories we wanted to share with her.

Our calling to adopt hasn’t changed. There are so many kids who need forever homes. There are even more babies and toddlers with PKU. We will regroup. We will finish our home study and I know God will lead us to another baby who we can bring into our family.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~Matthew 5:4 (niv)

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