Last month I emailed a Thriver with an idea. She is a fantastic writer, editor and thinker…Wendi Brownson. I pitched an idea to her and the idea went like this…
What if we ask Thrivers to write personal reflections and thoughts about the message at Thrive and post them the week after Sunday’s message?
The idea is to add to the message, agree with it or disagree with it and to add stuff that was missed or left out.
She loved the idea and we’ve been off and running. I’ve been meaning to post each of them on my blog but they’ve moved down my ever growing to do list. Well, I moved it up!
So, here is a personal reflection from Thriver Zendi Ruggles on Sunday’s message ‘Can I be a Christian and still have doubts’?
I am so thankful that our pastor models honesty. Honesty with himself and honesty with others.
Because I would be a big fat liar if I said I didn’t doubt God.
I grew up with an agnostic dad. I have a melancholy side to my personality. And well, life can just suck sometimes. So yep, I deal with doubt.
Mostly I have doubted God’s goodness and His sovereignty.
Some time ago my husband took a job as an associate pastor. We felt sure that it was the Lord’s will. We packed up the house and moved our family from a beautiful island on the coast of Georgia to Columbus, OH. I know. Dumb. But we were sure that is what we were supposed to do. Less than a year after we left all that we loved my husband was called into the head pastors office and told in no uncertain terms, pack up your office, leave the church property, we don’t want to see you again, ever.
It has taken me a while to not look at God and His goodness and His sovereignty through the glasses of that horrible experience. I have had to wrestle with what is True. Is God who He says He is? Can He do what He says He can do? How do I know?
God has been faithful to show himself to me.
I liked it when Jason said, “It’s in our nature to look for reasons. God’s nature is to offer relationship.” I wanted reasons for the bad things that happened in our life. I still don’t understand why many of them happened. But I do know more than ever that Jesus loves me. I know that He takes care of me. I know that He is after my heart more than anything else. I know that when I give Him my heart, I am most at peace.