*Just a warning up front that this post is a bit raw and transparent. It chronicles my journey of losing a close friend (not to death, but our relationship) and I’m still in the process of working through the pain and the new reality of life that this situation presents.
I’ve recently lost a close friend. It’s actually been a really sad time to process the pain of losing a close relationship w/them.
The pain of losing a close friend is excruciating. It is by far some of the worst and deepest pain I have ever experienced in my life. I wish things were different. I wish different decisions were made. I wish I didn’t have to experience the sense of loss and grief that has plagued my mind and heart these past 3-4 months. I wish, I wish, I wish.
But, unfortunately, sometimes the planet we live on is not a “I wish” kind of place. If it was, things would be pretty easy. Actually, they would be amazingly easy. Wouldn’t they? Now, there’s nothing wrong with wishing. There’s nothing, ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with being positive and believing things will work out in the end. I mean, that’s how I live my life.
Even if there’s a drop of water in the glass, I’m typically the positive type who looks at it and says…“Wow, we have some water, that’s great”!
But, the reality is, even in my positivity and my belief in people and that in spite of the pain that relationships may cause, we have to keep pursing relationships. We have to keep opening up to each other. We have to keep pursuing community. That’s the way we were designed and created. We weren’t made to live alone.
Sometimes, our relationships, are going to take a hit. It’s human nature. We say things we don’t want to say. We offend. We think we’re doing the right thing by confronting our friend, but we got our facts wrong and we just drove a wedge in our relationship. Or, we get jealous. Isn’t that common? And in our jealousy, we do and say things that we don’t mean or want to say, but down deep we think they will make us feel better and they do for a half of a second and then we realize…we just drove another wedge into our friendship.
Friendships are amazing. Friendships can bring life. But, they can also bring pain and hurt.
The day it began
I noticed things were different one day with one of my relationships/friendships. And, I noticed because this friend is in my core. Here’s what I mean about my core…
My core relationships are those closet to me. These are the people I really trust and I really know, inside and out. They really know my heart and I know their heart. Trust has been developed over time and we have spent a lot of time together. They know my baggage, they know I’m a mess, and I know their baggage and I know their a mess.
They know my Story behind the Story and I know their Story behind the Story. (and sometimes the stories behind those stories)
Some of these people I don’t even see regularly but because we have so many shared experiences, every time we talk it’s like we’re just picking back up from where we left off. Some of these people are on the other side of the country and some are in my backyard. The point is…these are the people closest to me.
I started to discern a difference in this friendship.
You start to notice little things.
…your calls go to voicemail, emails aren’t returned, requests to spend time together are turned down, moments when you need a friend to talk too are responded with quickness. Then their presence disappears. Both physically and then when their with you, their really not with you (can you relate to that?)
They don’t ask your advice any longer. They stop telling you the little things. Conversations stay on the surface. Distance creeps in. And then more distance. There is resistance to talking about anything of depth.
And then one day you realize, wow, I really don’t know this person like I once did.
By the time I started to figure out what was going on it was a bit too late and in my pain and hurt I did and said some things that I am absolutely ashamed of and wish in a heartbeat I cold take back.
Wow, there is nothing like doing the exact opposite of what you want to do.
Then, because of your actions you hurt the relationship. A wedge is placed squarely in the center and mis-trust creeps in and before you know it, both sides have moved on.
In tomorrow’s post, I’m going to write about exactly what I did to help drive my friend away. It’s painful and I’m still ashamed. But, I know and believe in forgiveness and reconciliation and I know when you seek peace and forgiveness, God honors that.
But, I wonder if you can relate to this post?
Have you lost a close friend?
Have you ever hurt someone to the point where you wondered if they would forgive you?
Have you ever experienced a friend who just gave up on your relationship?
I would love to hear about it.